Hiring Subs–An Open Letter To Dave Price

(Note: This is based on an editorial that said to not replace retiring Palo Alto City Hall workers with others of equal pay, but with those who didn’t require such big rewards as a way to deal with burgeoning budget benefits bulges.

I sent it to the guy who wrote and printed the editorial and to his competitors because I doubt he’ll print a satire of his opinion. We’ll see.)


Dear Dave Price,

Palo Alto Daily Post
Palo Alto, CA

I think you hit on something (in your editorial in this morning’s Daily Post). Hiring substitutes may lower quality, but how much quality do we really need? Especially at these fabuloso salaries!

I know the recent NFL substitutes were a bit of a frustrating kerfuffle on some important football calls, but just hang on a minute.

How about if we don’t stop with City Hall employees? What about pesky “professional” librarians–always telling you to “shush”! Who do they think they are? Just cause they learned the Dewey Decimal System. I don’t think they even use that any more.

And the police? And how about those ever-more-expensive doctors?

And please don’t give me that “you-made-a-deal, keep-your-word” malarkey as a reason to abide by benefits contracts already in effect. Wake up! It’s about the bottom line/the budget/your taxes, not worshipping some dead god called Morality.

Look, we’ve already povertized (paid down) the street cleaning in Palo Alto. That works pretty swell. San Francisco pays it’s street cleaners a fat $25/hour. The Downtown Streets Team workers of Palo Alto get paid in Safeway gift cards–at a budget-friendly $5/hour.

Why can’t we do the same with water safety engineers, electrical inspectors, lab technicians? Or public health? Do we really need a Public Health department in the first place?

What about the pioneer spirit of people taking care of themselves like in the storied days of yesteryear? Can you imagine the 49ers (the real ones with picks and shovels, not the present dudes in matching outfits) inquiring about a health plan for prospectors? Mountain Men refusing to trap beaver until they get a cost of living increase? Cowboys only signing on to cattle drives if the retirement package was competitive? I think not.

I say outsource the whole City Architecture/Structural Inspection and Review Department to the Downtown Streets Team. Why not?

“Health plan,” you say? I say, “We’ve got one–it’s called Walk It Off.”

All this education and “professional standards” is a lot of make-work hooey perpetrated by unions–who are the real culprits in all this–in the first place. Let’s face it–unions are only “pro-worker” to get their grubby hands on the workers’ dues (for the Organized Criminal part of the unions) and their voting power (for the Corrupt Politician part of the unions).

WOW! This could take us all the way to removing the regulatory handcuffs from police, lawyers, bankers (oh, that’s right, they don’t have any), and neurosurgeons! Think of the savings!!!

Chuck Jagoda

Chief Unindicted Co-Conspirator, Founder
Jagoda Comedy Reform Movement

3790 El Camino Real
# 329
Palo Alto, CA 94306


One Reply to “Hiring Subs–An Open Letter To Dave Price”

  1. Mr Jagoda,

    You have written that we should outsource the city worker jobs to downtown streets team, but why do you draw the line there?

    Lets put some of them onto the city council, police department, fire department and parks department, The folks that run city hall love the idea of reserving funds so that they can play their “spend on big name projects routine”
    Chuck, you have a brillant idea here, why not also share this idea with Mountain View, Menlo Park, Los Altos and Sunnyvale?

    Think of how much these cities could save by following the fine example of the downtown streets team. By the way, Chuck… I have been asking for supporting documents from that fine non-profit, yet the Executive director, Eileen Richardson, has ignored my requests, leading me to take stronger action to obtain supporting documents which are supposed to be PUBLIC, since the funding comes from public sources!

    Seems to me that this idea won’t fly after all, sorry to burst your bubble!

Comments are closed.